Cries and Wishes
by hoping for sin
Summary: [Squinoa] Songfic. Sometimes emotional pain is the hardest to endure. Sequel to [Pleas and Confusion] Review!


A/N: ok, back again. Sorry to report to those of you who don't read profiles that my story With Love, Always is **_on hold_**, Sorry but at the moment keeping up a story is the last thing on my mind.

So yeah, probably will leave it until the school production is finished…which will be awhile…maybe 4 months.

Anyway, here is my third FFVIII fan fiction. A songfic to Incubus' Wish you were here

------

**Cries and Wishes**

Rinoa let the wind blow her hair behind her while tears freely fell down her face. As she made her way across the night-clad beach away from the group she clutched her jacket around her more tightly. About 2 minutes away from everyone she sat down and looked towards the sea. The endless sea that she wished that she could just disappear in.

**_I dig my toes into the sand  
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket_  
**

She needed to get away from everyone. This day had been hell for her. The one day that she dreaded so much. Waking up to the thought of what would happen this day. His funeral. It had only been 3 weeks since his death and Rinoa was already suffering, she didn't know how she was going to cope without him for the rest of her life. Without his comfort, without his voice, without his touch. Rinoa dug her hand into her bag and retrieved a letter. It had blood smeared on it but that didn't bother her. It was the letter that Squall wrotebefore hedied. She kept it close to her at all times. It was her last remaining link to him.She was going to treasure it. Rinoa remembered when Cid came to her door to inform her of what happened and then gave her the letter. As soon as the words left his mouth she collapsed...She just couldn't handle it...But then the letter...that letter told her to keep living her life...but she couldn't.

No, it wasn't a matter of couldn't. It was a matter ofnot wanting to

_**I lean against the wind  
Pretend that I am weightless  
And in this moment I am happy...happy**_

She just wanted for everything to end. For her to join him, wherever he was. But she couldn't do that, not to her daughter. Not to their daughter. That was the only thing to keep her from him, their daughter. She had lost her father yet she still was happy for appearances. So, if a 7 year old could handle it, Rinoa decided she could too. Every day was a struggle, but she never completely gave up.

**  
_I wish you were here_**

_**I wish you were here**_

_**I wish you were here**_

_**I wish you were here**_

She held back a sob as she fell back, wanted more than anything for him to catch her in his strong grasp. Her sob escaped her mouth as she fell against the sand. She managed to stop at one so she wouldn't draw attention to herself. She wanted to be alone at the moment. Her friends understood that but if they heard her sobbing uncontrollably they would worry beyond anything. She stared up at the sky imaging Squall talking to her, telling her everything was going to be alright. **  
**

_**  
I lay my head on to the sand  
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it  
I'm counting UFO's  
I signal them with my lighter  
And in this moment I am happy...happy**_

It was so quiet; the only sounds that were heard were the waves crashing and the strong wind blowing hard against her ears. But Rinoa liked it quiet, she was happier that way, quiet, nothing to distract her from her daydreaming. From when she woke up this morning she was. She hardly spoke; no one did, not finding the right words to say. Maybe there were no words. No words to sooth Rinoa's broken heart. No words to calm down his daughter. No words to comfort the friends of Squall who had let them all get to love and know a little bit more about him in the years leading up to his death.**  
**

_**I wish you were here**_

_**I wish you were here**_

_**I wish you were here**_

_**I wish you were here**_

Rinoa heard little footsteps coming up beside her. A little face appeared above her with a look of uncertainty crossing her innocent face.

"Mum" Lianna began "Aunty Quistis, Aunty Selphie and Uncle Zell are really worried about you. Are you ok?"

Rinoa looked up and _saw_ Squall, behind Lianna, watching over them both. He suddenly smiled and pointed upwards. Rinoa followed the direction of his hand and saw a shooting star. Rinoa smiled for a brief second before looking back and saw that he wasn't there anymore, her smile faded Rinoa knew that is was just her imagination but it suddenly gave Rinoa hope. She reached up and after wrapping her arms around Lianns's waist pulled her down. She hugged her tightly and began to quietly sob.

"No, I'm not ok…I'll never be ok, without him, but I'll survive"

Lianna lifted her head and kissed Rinoa on the cheek and whispered "and I'll survive with you" before she started crying and joining her mother in the painful bliss that they had to injure since Squall Leonheart left his family.

**  
_The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in  
Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air_**

After awhile Rinoa noticed that Lianna had fallen asleep, so she quietly got up while picking her up and moved back to the group. They were crowded round a fire. They all had a depressed look on and Rinoa could see tear stains on all of their faces. Who would think that Irvine would cry?

_**I wish you were here**_

"L-Lianna 's fallen asleep, I'm gonna take her h-home" Rinoa sniffed while shifting her daughter in her arms.

"Do you want some company?" Selphie asked, about to get up.

"No" Rinoa answered coldly "No, I'm fine" Rinoa added in a lighter tone.

"Ok, but if you do, feel free to ring me" Selphie said "Any of us" she added sweeping her arm across the group "We're here for you"

"Thankyou" Rinoa said, and with that she made her way back towards Garden.

_**I wish you were here**_

As Rinoa made her way through the corridors of Balamb Garden she noticed all the looks that were being given.

Pity.

It was written on everyone's faces.

Here was the recently widowed wife of their almighty commander carrying her sleeping daughter.

What a poor family now.

Rinoa didn't need pity. She didn't need them. Any of them. They didn't even know them.

Her.

Lianna

…Squall…

He was their precious leader and they didn't even know the real him.

So if they didn't know him, how could they know his family?

How could they feel sorry for them?

Without knowing it, Rinoa found herself at the door to their apartment.

After fumbling a little bit Rinoa managed to get the door open. When she stepped inside so many

memories assaulted her.

_**I wish you were here**_

So many memories of walking through that very door.

When they first moved in.

When they came back after there honeymoon

When they walked in with baby Lianna in her arms.

Rinoa had to stop herself from braking down again. She slowly looked around their home before making her way towards Lianna's bedroom.

_**I wish you were here**_

She carefully placed her sleeping daughter on her bed and sat down to take off Lianna's shoes. After plonking them on the ground she grabbed the blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped Lianna in it. Rinoa lent down and placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead then whispered goodnight before making her way to her bedroom.

_**I wish you were here**_

Rinoa walked through the bedroom door and started to slip out of the black dress she was in. After locating her pj's and changing into them she quietly got under the doona of her and Squall's bed. She grabbed his pillow and inhaled the smell that was still lingering in it. The smell of Squall. The smell that she so wanted to be with her at all times.

_**I wish you were here**_

"I wish you were here" murmured Rinoa into his pillow before falling into another night of uneasy sleep.


End file.
